Saturday, March 6, 2010

please dont try to hard to say goodbye...

song of the day: skyway avenue by we the kings

i should be relieved that he might leave. he's been screwing up my life for so long... but what will i do if he really does leave? let me explain. he was asked by the head varsity baseball coach to pretty please transfer and play for them because he rocks (and he does) so he'd be transferring schools, as in leaving my school. as in leaving my grade. as in leaving me. so what do i care? he's nothing to me, just a retard that catches me off guard now and then. he's nothing special, not gorgeous or particularly charming or nice or appropriate at all. and maybe thats why i always end up giving him a second glance, a second thought, a second chance. because he's so different from all the other guys i no. he's a rebel by my school's standards... he wears aeropastle jeans low on his hips and hollister shirts slightly frayed for effect, he listens to rock music with an ocasional swear word and talks about it from time to time, he watches R rated movies then comes to school and replays his favorite moments, he has a totally trashy girlfriend who is all over him all the time... he's a challenge. an idiot. a loser. and so so so confusing. half the time i wonder what he's thinking, and the other half i don't even want to no. but back to the transfer thing, if he goes, he's gone by monday. like gone without a trace and i CAN'T believe it will happen... but at the same time what if it does? what if he never shows? and here's an even more complicated thing, if he leaves, his mom cant teach history nemore. ouch. so... i dunno. but he's been saying that he'll leave the school for years now, all the time! i dont think if will happen. but what if it does? will i make it through the day? duh. will i be alright? duh. will i move on? someday. will i forget him? no. will he forget me? sooner than you think. did he ever like me? psh. no.... why not? same reason you're currently single whats that? ask them.


ok, stars usually mean a new subject but i'm still not over this, what if he does leave? he wont be on the highschool trip to laugh with... he wont be in the halls to throw things at.... he wont be in study hall to make fun of... and i wont see him anymore. and wont that solve all my problems? dont i want him gone so i can have my thoughts back? ugh. this is all so confusing. i'm going to bed.

born in this world as it all falls apart,


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