t for tired

today was sooooooo long. i should blog, and i am, but im not feeling particularly bloggy ( i felt bloggy earlier, but i sat down here and checked my facebook and... bam its gone). so ill just splain quickly. my day started at 7, and ends now. i got up, took a shower and we drove to a local stable. en route to the stable, we rescued a turtle using my favorite plaid bag (filled with notebooks, books, pens, little ninja men and other joys of life), which the ingrateful wretch peed all over. anyways, we showed up at the place and cleaned out a goat/horse pen, shoveling/raking poop into a wheelbarrow (funfun!) it actually wasnt bad, the goats were like little puppies, following us around with their little stub tails wagging furiously. then we mucked stalls which was tolerable, and i met an adorable kitty name hitler (teeny tiny little cat with black under its nose like a hitler-mustache). after that we ate lunch and chilled, then mucked some more stalls, then walked some rescue dogs for awhile which was an adventure...the first dog i walked was very wellbehaved etc, but the second and third ones were a challenge. the second was only 6 months old, still a bit babyish obviously since he wanted to run around me until i was tangled up in the leash, then run full tilt so id fall over! the other one i really loved tho, it was obvious he had never really been leash trained cuz he kept looking at me like what? what do i do now? and jumping up to lick my face. after a while working on walking, we sat in the shade. at first, he sat next to me but within 10 minutes the big baby was on my lap! okay, this was not a small dog, court this means somwhere between maddie and coby (spelling wrong?) sized, and i swear he thought he was like a chihuahua... a regular lapdog! well, i didnt want to burst his bubble and it wasnt like my clothes were clean at this point anyways, so i let him sit on my lap or well lounge on my lap, he couldnt really fit all of him on my lap at once. but he would lick my arm, then rub against it so i had dog fur stuck ALL OVER me! then he would go crazy licking my face, then settle down my my lap again like " dont you just loooove me?" what a sweetie, if i could adopt him, i would in a heartbeat! but my family, they fell in love with a scrawny little guy afraid of his own shadow. hes really very cute and friendly, but soooooo little, 5 months i guess. so now we're looking into "foster caring" for the little dear, which i know is my mums plan for keeping him, you know- get him in the house, get us all to fall in love with him which is inevitable, then adopt him. perfect. good luck mom. shes been in a big hearted mood lately. last week she told me she wanted to adopt a sibling group of five kids under the age of 10 and didnt see any reason why we shouldnt. wait, perhaps shes just crazy. oh well, i still love her... she cracks me up, you know what she said to me yesterday? she said " i've got the down jive on your funky self" oh mom.... neways, after doggy time, we went to a family event (well after a shower and a change of clothes too) that i dont remember much of bcuz i was/am so tired... oh crap, my internet is about to shut off
later!
shae

sorry... been so hectic lately...

song of the day: goodnight gravity by falling up


wull. what to say? its been soooo long since ive blogged~verry sorry, but i just havent felt up to it, honestly i dont feel up to it rite now either. kind of in a bad mood but not sure why. anyways, i shall press on and blog anyways. ummm... well, school is over yay for me but also sad bcuz one of my homebros is leaving for lhs next year (saaaaaaaaaaadness). funny because hes an annoying twit and completely inappropriate but him and my best friend/worst enemy are all that kept me sane this year and i will be sad to see him go :(. other than that, i passed my lifeguard training... yay me! verry excited bcuz this means i can get a job somewhere this summer, which i need bcuz i plan to

1. buy a little laptop (i call them hermans, long story)- $25o
2. buy an dance dress if i do well enuf at feis- $250
and
3. i'd really like to go to a chinese immersion camp at msu this july, my mum was telling me about it and it sounds rlly cool- $60
neways, life guard training was an absolute blast. the other kids in the class were downright incredible, i couldnt have asked for better classmates. we were all like siblings by the end of our two weeks!! crazzzzzzzzzzy. and as for school ending, it ended yesterday and was kind of bittersweet. after 5 exams in the morning ( torture. pure torture) we got mcdonalds and went to a local park to play softball. i hate playing with the guys bcuz quite frankly, i suck and they are mean about it, so me and some friends went over to the playground and messed around instead for awhile, then i came back and watched. i felt kind of sad watching everyone... some of them i wont talk to for months, and three of them i may not talk to for years (one to college and 2 to lhs). but its nice to be out, its so freeing... i can do whatever i want with my day! oh, let the fun begin! altho im a bit geeky... i got my next years physics book to wrk on this summer... i dont want to do it, but i have a feeling im going to need all the help i can get :/. man, i feel like i should be writing something important or interesting but im drained. these last 2 weeks have been the most stressful time of my entire life... *sigh. im sooooooo glad its all over. oh dear, 2morro we have to go help out at a barn a few hours away to earn a free day to disney... im not to excited about it bcuz rumor has it we'll be mucking stalls. *shudder* i'll let ya know how it goes...
more confused than normal,
shae

untitled

i feel profound. i titled my post untitled, this makes me deep, doesnt it? yes, admit it!

song of the day: city on our knees by toby mac
xxxx
weeel the surprise party went well, she was vaguely surprised altho we felt like it was a funeral b4 she showed up... her mum placed her school picture up high on a shelf like shannon shrine! it was scary :/! but the party was fun, we ate pizza, played apples to apples, taboo, and bingo, then walked to DQ in the rain ( it was seriously like something out of a movie, street lights and rain, and a couple of awesome friends...), and me and shan decided to dance through the park. we have decided that we are definitely NOT meant to be ballroom dance partners anytime soon, it didnt really work out that great, haha. then we went to shans house and watched pride and prejudice and fell asleep half way through ( when elizabeth sees mr darcy at lady catherines house).... okay, we only stayed up til like 1, no joke, but we all slept in til 11! for breakfast we had cereal (frosted flakes, yay!) and cake (strawberry, altho it wasnt that great, imitation strawberry never is) and green tea ( i feel organic!). eventually, my dad had to come pick me and my friend meghan up to go home. once home, i took a shower, blew a fuse trying to dry my hair and warm up my straightner simultaneously, yeah i was not happy about that. then we had church, where i led the leetle children in singing ( they are soooo cute) and talked to elsie and keegan, who are incredible people, and ate a snickerdoodle cookie... yum yum! now, i am sitting here watching lord of the beans (laaame but cute) as i write. haha!
dinner time! shepherds pie <3
love to all
shae

go to this site and read this poem, we read it in my lit class and i really liked it alot... its kinda creepy : bartleby.com/131/1.htm
xxx
sorry about my depressing ranting raving post yesterday. i've resolved to be pleasant to this friend, but not go out of my way to help her anymore. you can prolly understand why!! neways, i went to youth group with court and plushie last nite which was fun, i discovered the proper way to do "the cootie shot" (circle circle dot dot...) and talked to eric ( since i started this blog partially so i would stop keeping so many secrets i'll fess up~ i might maybe have a vague crush on the kid...) and learned that soon i will have many books to read and movies to watch thnx to court!!!

school was alrite today, same old. tommorow, however, is one of my friends' surprise birthday party/sleepover so i'm perty excited. at the same time tho, i'm not cuz i dont know half the girls who are coming very well :/ oh well, a party's a party's a party.

and, for the grand finale... go to recordtripping.com... its pretty cool!
love to all
shae

creaking of the tented sky

never have i felt so used in my entire life. i am at a loss for words. hurt. angry. sad. confused. let me start at the beginning. my friend (this was over the trip i have yet to tell you about) told me she was suicidal and that she cut herself. she spoke harshly about life, about how easy it would be to end it and i spent hours reasoning with her, promising to keep her secret, making her promise to take it one day at a time. we came home and it got worse, she promised to try yet she had a cut on her arm when i next saw her and as we walked around town, i had to physically stop her from throwing herself in front of a car... several times. finally, i just broke down and started crying (this was monday nite), i told her that i could do no more, i had given her my time, energy and tears, i was up several times every night worrying, i prayed and prayed and prayed. and she gave me a hug, she promised once again that she would try. as i walked her back to her house we talked more about how she would promise herself every morning just get through today.

this morning, she took me aside "you're not going to like this" she said. i was so afraid of what she might say next that what she did say nearly shocked me to death. " it was a lie" a lie. the whole effing this was a lie. all of it. every flipping suicidal crap word. she didnt cut herself, i verified with someone who was there that she fell and scraped it. so dont i feel like the worlds biggest loser. she did it for attention from a friend... they did it to each other, slowly it got worse and worse until the idiot friend wrote a note to my friends parents making my friend sound even more suicidal (if possible) and blah blah all so these girls could see each other again. why they cant is a looooooooong story. anyways, so i got mad. like you have no idea what i have gone through for this chick, and it was all a joke. and to think i never even guessed. no, i take that back, at times i did. it seemed so farfetched, so crazy, so out there, and some times she looked to angry, too sad, to psycho, i should have known. but she let me cry. she let me beg and plead for her to try. and never said a word. she let me play the role of idiot, and i did it well. i cared too much, and she used me. because i cared, she used me. so what did i do? i slammed my locker, i slammed my books on the floor, i stormed into the gym.. and then i decided we needed to talk again. she said she was sorry and i forgave her, i hugged her, i cried because i hate what she did to me, but i was the liar this time. i havent really forgiven her, how can i in one day? i did so much for her and it was all a joke. every effing flipping frappe word. what did i do to deserve her crap? i have always been here for her, ever since i met her. i have stood by her when other people leave and this is what i get? a crapload of lies. but today, it was easier to pretend i forgave her then to be angry.

shae